i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
