Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
