I like to think it a success when the cops are called
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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