Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
