Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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