Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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