I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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