What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
