Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
