I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pants are for mortals
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