My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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