You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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