The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
