She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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