Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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