dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
