im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
