Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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