I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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