There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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