good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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