You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
