I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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