I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize