dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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