She is in my trunk
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
