My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
