If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
