dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
