A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
