New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
