I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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