I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
420 ftw
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
