I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
