I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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