i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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