no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He felt like a one man threesome
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
