it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
