i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
