I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
