Need sex. Gaining weight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
