I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
