His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
