Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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