oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
