if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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