Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
