why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
