Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
