there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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