So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
