i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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