you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
