I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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