He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
