i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
