even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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