I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
