And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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