man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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