Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
