I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
