u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
