Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my moral compass just broke
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
