His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
