I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
