is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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