she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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